Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That accounts for only three of the penises
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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