Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
