I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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