it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
