I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
