I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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