I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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