ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
