Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
