Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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