3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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