sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
