can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
