Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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