It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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