I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
