i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
