gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You may now shotgun with the bride
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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