I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwadâ€
Randomize
