I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
