i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
