Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize