i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
