Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
