It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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