I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
