So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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