Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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