I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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