You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
