I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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