I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
