I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
