We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
