She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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