now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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