Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
