yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
