Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
