I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
