dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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