It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
