White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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