I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
please come you make the beer taste better
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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