I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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