I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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