I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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