1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
