im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
