Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
