No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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