Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
