Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
