Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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