umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
