ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
