i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
