Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
