I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
