so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
