he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
