hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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