If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
