I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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