too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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