I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize