He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
