i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize