Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
