if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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